Man! It has been 25-30 degrees Celsius for like 2 weeks now and just the other day I too went a bit nuts and declared myself an "Urban Tarzan" and decided AGAINST wearing the long pants, or a shirt of any kind, until it cools down at least a bit! An Urban Tarzan wears shorts, always the shorts and nothing more but the shorts until proven guilty in the court of love!
An Urban Tarzan is a peculiar little fellow, pretty peaceful and yet at the same time somehow quite "neanderthalish" with all its "neanderthalish" habits and manners! An Urban Tarzan can be found pretty much anywhere near the 'urbs'.
An Urban Tarzan sometimes roars like it would be the offspring of a bear and a wolf, you know, like a tenor-bear. However, an Urban Tarzan means no harm while roaring like it would be the offspring of a bear and a wolf, that's just how it expresses itself!
However-HOWEVER! And this is important!!! You CANNOT feed an Urban Tarzan with anything else but beer! An Urban Tarzan is a bit funny that way and might get offended if given anything else but beer!
So, basically, if you should have an encounter with an Urban Tarzan, don't be afraid, offer it some beer and you'll get along with an Urban Tarzan quite well indeed! But always remember, an Urban Tarzan IS a wild animal and should be treated as one!
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
The Sleeping Goalkeeper
"...But maybe if I’ll just pick the red one, hmmm, it’s a nice color, sure, but how will it look a year from now...zzz..."
"...Did I switch off the coffee maker? I think I did...I DID...I remember now...zzz..."
"Zzz...Talking to me??! Are YOU talking to ME, man?!!...*WAKE UP*...Zzz...I’ll tell you where you can put that!!! And...*WAKE UP!!!*"
"Zzz...They did WHAT?! And afterwards they did THAT too??! Ha-ha-haa, that’s gotta be the stupidest thing I ever he...*WAKE UP GOD DAMN IT!! YOU’RE THE GOALKEEPER AND NUMBER 47 IS ABOUT TO TAKE A SHOT!!!*"
"...Here comes number 47...tricks the defense...takes the shot...but NOOOO!! The goalkeeper is awake and he saves!!! The goalkeeper is awake and he saves!!!"
"...Did I switch off the coffee maker? I think I did...I DID...I remember now...zzz..."
"Zzz...Talking to me??! Are YOU talking to ME, man?!!...*WAKE UP*...Zzz...I’ll tell you where you can put that!!! And...*WAKE UP!!!*"
"Zzz...They did WHAT?! And afterwards they did THAT too??! Ha-ha-haa, that’s gotta be the stupidest thing I ever he...*WAKE UP GOD DAMN IT!! YOU’RE THE GOALKEEPER AND NUMBER 47 IS ABOUT TO TAKE A SHOT!!!*"
"...Here comes number 47...tricks the defense...takes the shot...but NOOOO!! The goalkeeper is awake and he saves!!! The goalkeeper is awake and he saves!!!"
Monday, May 17, 2010
The Master of Reflections
You know the phenomenon where you stand between 2 mirrors and you can see an infinite number of reflections of yourself on either one of the two mirrors?
Well, just so happened that while shaving the other day I found myself in that situation by accident and obviously when one finds him- or herself in that situation by accident when shaving, one MUST at least wave hand or something. One MUST!
And so I did! I waved like an idiot! And for the sake of all that is good in this world, later on in this story I am only referring to the face-front reflections...the reflections with their backs turned on me can, you know, suck my dirk:).
Ok, the reflection01, *WAVE*->Waves back and salutes the good master of reflections! ...That would be my new superhero name, the “Master of Reflections”!
Moving on to the reflection02, *WAVE*->Yep, just like the first one, obeys the Master and waves right back!
Man, once again I seem to be getting a hang of this superhero-stuff and long gone are the shameful days of being the “Owl Man”, if anyone read that shameful-shameful story some 6-7 months back.
“The Master of Reflections...obey the Master...You MUST obey the Master!” I find myself mumbling a bit while thinking about what sort of costume I should get for this.
But now I’m getting a bit ahead of myself and since I’m not yet finished shaving I might as well...*WAVE*...ok, the reflections 01 & 02, as before, all good! Moving along to the third reflection now->*WAVE* and...WTF?! Instead of waving back, the third reflection seems to be giving me THE FINGER! ...*WAVE, WAVE, WAVE*...And so seem to be doing the ones after it too! Villains, Villains, VILLAINS!! EVERYWHERE!!
Ok, this is going to be a bit tough, I mean, how on Earth does one fight an infinite number of Villains with only two helpers?! It can’t be done, can it?? CAN IIIIIIITTTT??!
“Sure it can Master of Reflections, sure it can! Don’t be a wuss Master of Reflections!” The reflection01 tries to assure the superhero in doubt.
“I don’t know man...look how outnumbered we are! ...What do YOU say reflection02?”
“We are going to kick some serious butt, Master of Reflections!” Replies the reflection02, grabs two cigarettes from his belt of...well, from his belt of cigarettes of course, offers the other one for the reflection01, and strikes a match from his spiky left cheek...the left cheek I could have sworn I shaved already!
So...two militant fanatics with absolutely no sense of proportion and about...let’s see...give or take a few...about 100 billion Villains throwing THE FINGER. Good job Master of Reflections, good job:)!
Well, just so happened that while shaving the other day I found myself in that situation by accident and obviously when one finds him- or herself in that situation by accident when shaving, one MUST at least wave hand or something. One MUST!
And so I did! I waved like an idiot! And for the sake of all that is good in this world, later on in this story I am only referring to the face-front reflections...the reflections with their backs turned on me can, you know, suck my dirk:).
Ok, the reflection01, *WAVE*->Waves back and salutes the good master of reflections! ...That would be my new superhero name, the “Master of Reflections”!
Moving on to the reflection02, *WAVE*->Yep, just like the first one, obeys the Master and waves right back!
Man, once again I seem to be getting a hang of this superhero-stuff and long gone are the shameful days of being the “Owl Man”, if anyone read that shameful-shameful story some 6-7 months back.
“The Master of Reflections...obey the Master...You MUST obey the Master!” I find myself mumbling a bit while thinking about what sort of costume I should get for this.
But now I’m getting a bit ahead of myself and since I’m not yet finished shaving I might as well...*WAVE*...ok, the reflections 01 & 02, as before, all good! Moving along to the third reflection now->*WAVE* and...WTF?! Instead of waving back, the third reflection seems to be giving me THE FINGER! ...*WAVE, WAVE, WAVE*...And so seem to be doing the ones after it too! Villains, Villains, VILLAINS!! EVERYWHERE!!
Ok, this is going to be a bit tough, I mean, how on Earth does one fight an infinite number of Villains with only two helpers?! It can’t be done, can it?? CAN IIIIIIITTTT??!
“Sure it can Master of Reflections, sure it can! Don’t be a wuss Master of Reflections!” The reflection01 tries to assure the superhero in doubt.
“I don’t know man...look how outnumbered we are! ...What do YOU say reflection02?”
“We are going to kick some serious butt, Master of Reflections!” Replies the reflection02, grabs two cigarettes from his belt of...well, from his belt of cigarettes of course, offers the other one for the reflection01, and strikes a match from his spiky left cheek...the left cheek I could have sworn I shaved already!
So...two militant fanatics with absolutely no sense of proportion and about...let’s see...give or take a few...about 100 billion Villains throwing THE FINGER. Good job Master of Reflections, good job:)!
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Behind That Closed Door
”Look man, there’s a door! Hmm, I wonder what is behind that closed door...”
“Oh no, no, no, we don’t wanna open that door!! There might be a terrible monster just waiting for us behind that closed door!”
“Possibly, but on the other hand, there might be an opportunity of some sort just waiting for us behind that closed door, don’t you think?”
“Yes, yes, but on the other-OTHER hand, there might be a terrible monster!”
“I’m gonna open the door now...”
“Noooo, don’t open the doooor...!! Arghhh!! See that!? I TOLD you there would be a terrible monster behind the door!! Why did you have to go and open it!!”
“Monster? What monster...???”
“What?! Are you blind??! There’s a terrible monster RIGHT THERE on the wall on the other side of the room!!”
“Hmm, I wonder what is behind THAT closed door...”
“Oh no, no, no, we don’t wanna open that door!! There might be a terrible monster just waiting for us behind that closed door!”
“Possibly, but on the other hand, there might be an opportunity of some sort just waiting for us behind that closed door, don’t you think?”
“Yes, yes, but on the other-OTHER hand, there might be a terrible monster!”
“I’m gonna open the door now...”
“Noooo, don’t open the doooor...!! Arghhh!! See that!? I TOLD you there would be a terrible monster behind the door!! Why did you have to go and open it!!”
“Monster? What monster...???”
“What?! Are you blind??! There’s a terrible monster RIGHT THERE on the wall on the other side of the room!!”
“Hmm, I wonder what is behind THAT closed door...”
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Pulling the Rope
My name is John.
We have been assigned to pull this long rope with the other end disappearing into the darkness of this gloomy forest.
“Pull, damn it John, pull! You haven’t even broken sweat yet!” shouts our boss who is pulling the rope in front of me
So I pull...and shout something encouraging, yet a bit rude to the man pulling the rope behind me.
I tap the boss on his shoulder and ask: “Hey boss, what exactly is it that we are pulling here?”
“H*ll if I know! The boss told me to pull, so I'm pulling! ...And what are you calling me a boss for?”
“Well, you are the boss...aren’t you, boss?!”
“Naw man, John, the boss is the man pulling the rope in front of ME!”
The man pulling the rope behind me taps me on my shoulder and asks: “Hey boss, what exactly is it that we are pulling here?”
We have been assigned to pull this long rope with the other end disappearing into the darkness of this gloomy forest.
“Pull, damn it John, pull! You haven’t even broken sweat yet!” shouts our boss who is pulling the rope in front of me
So I pull...and shout something encouraging, yet a bit rude to the man pulling the rope behind me.
I tap the boss on his shoulder and ask: “Hey boss, what exactly is it that we are pulling here?”
“H*ll if I know! The boss told me to pull, so I'm pulling! ...And what are you calling me a boss for?”
“Well, you are the boss...aren’t you, boss?!”
“Naw man, John, the boss is the man pulling the rope in front of ME!”
The man pulling the rope behind me taps me on my shoulder and asks: “Hey boss, what exactly is it that we are pulling here?”
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