5-leg Thompson at the back starts waking up and goes: “Hey you sad son of a b*tch who everyone kicks in the n*ts and you just ask for more…are we there yet?!”
Axel stops pulling the sledge, goes to the back and asks: “Say what my main man?”
“You ignorant m*therf*cker, I said that are we ther…”
Ok, let’s rewind a bit.
Once upon a time there was this tiny little ant called Axel.
Axel was one of the most hardest working members of the ant community he was a part of; every day traveling many, many ant-miles on his trips to fetch anything he could find to help make the community’s nest the biggest god damn ant nest there ever was.
Axel the Ant was proud of his work!
One shiny day Axel’s homies, alleged homies, “Stone-cold Stephen” and the one called “The 5-leg Thompson” asked Axel to go with them to have a drink in this far away tavern, many, many ant-miles from home. This was the payday.
Axel thought it for a while…thought it for another while and “Ok, I think I’ll go”.
And off they went three of them.
In his limited spare time, Axel had built this sledge out of a leaf, in which he pulled the two alleged homies to the location, just to try that the sledge works ok. Or that’s how the 2 lazy b*stards justified the reason not to walk themselves.
Once the three ants got to the tavern, Stone-cold and 5-leg right away jumped off of the sledge leaving some empty bottles and cigarette butts and other trash behind, went inside and immediately started raising some hell; picking fights, harassing the grrrls and ordering rounds of drinks for everyone…for which poor Axel had to make good for with his well deserved pay check. This continued for several hours.
Finally, at 4am the manager of the place started kicking the ants out, Stone-cold and 5-leg were both sound asleep-passed out at his point.
This was a slightly, slightly delicate situation for Axel, “Oh what to do with those two passed out…comrades…who just spent my entire pay check for their own pleasures!”
Axel thought it for a while…thought it for another while and “Ok, in the end they are ones of my own and I have to see to it that they get home safely”.
Axel dragged the two drunken ants into the leaf-sledge and started pulling.
“Home is so far away and the road full of dangers” thinks Axel “But back home we must get!”
Axel pulls the sledge with every single muscle gained from the hard every day work stretching to the maximum, “Pull, Axel, pull!” bangs the thought in his head!!
“Girls…Mexico…gimme a shot of that tequila…hrarrr…girls…tequila…Mexico” 5-leg Thompson mumbles in his sleep from the back…
But after 5 ant-miles Axel’s powers are finally starting to run out “I must continue, we MUST get hooom….” Axel falls down on his belly.
Suddenly out of nowhere, like an icicle landing on a person’s head, like a cell phone starting to ring in a movie theatre just when “they” are about to kiss, like a Rottweiler biting a person in the *ss, there is this circle of bright light hovering above Axel and from within that circle of bright light presents itself this tiny, tiny fairy with the whitest dress there ever was and with the wings so brittle that even breathing against them would make them fall apart.
“Axel, my child” goes the fairy with a sweetest of voices and continues “You are the chosen one and you will be featured in many, many PT Loren-stories to come…and therefore it can’t be your destiny to die here! Go on, Axel, go on! And oh by the way, you might wanna consider NOT taking that sh*t anymore! Just an opinion, just an opinion…”
“Must…go…OOOONNNNN!” Axel rises and starts pulling the sledge again “PHULLL, PHULLLL!!!!” Axel phulls like a doped up athlete!
This is the brand new Axel the Ant, the one that no one better NOT f*ck with!!
5-leg Thompson at the back starts waking up and obviously doesn’t know this and goes: “Hey you sad son of a b*tch who everyone kicks in the n*ts and you just ask for more…are we there yet?!”
Axel stops pulling the sledge, goes to the back and asks: “Say what my main man?”
“You ignorant m*therf*cker, I said that are we ther…”
Axel kicks 5-leg in the n*ts once, kicks 5-leg in the n*ts twice, kicks 5-leg in the n*ts THREE TIMES…and asks again: “Say what my main man?”
“Euuwwww, anything you want man, just please PLEASE don’t kick me in the n*ts anymore!!!” Moans 5-leg.
Axel goes back to the driver’s seat, adjusts the harnesses a bit and phhulls the sledge, with the passengers, safely all the way home.
The Road will never be dangerous again for this tiny little ant called Axel.
