Rick the Raven vs. Edgar the Crow

Edgar

”F*cking H*ll, mind the speed limit please!!” Roars the handsome, slightly PT Loren-looking gentleman on my left as I fly by his balcony…like AT LEAST 100 km/h!!! I’m a pretty good flyer.

Anyway, hi, my name is Edgar!

I’m a crow and you might remember me from the earlier PT Loren-story “Never Mess with Another Bird’s Piece of Bread or He’ll Kick You in the N*ts”.
I’m that crow…and I’m still a bit sore from the beating the damn seagull, Mr. Roror gave me back then!

My name is Edgar, I steal bread…from mouths.


Rick

Hi! My name is Rick, I’m a raven, you know, “Rick the Raven”.
Most of my friends call me Rick-Rick, I think it’s because I have a rather distinctive voice for a raven and I guess it sounds a bit like that, “Rick-Rick!”

What a nice day today!
Here I am, just chilling under this pine tree in the eastern Helsinki, I’m an eastern Helsinki kind of bird, you know, pretty tough…at least compared to the western Helsinki ravens, those fools!

“Pomp-pomp-pomp” I jump on the sidewalk, see I’m also a sort of a pomp-pomp-pomping kind of bird, I usually just “Pomp-pomp-pomp” until I can’t “Pomp-pomp-pomp” no more!

Say, that’s a nice piece of stale bread on the curb of this sidewalk just waiting to be eaten.
Better hurry and get it right away, I have heard some rumors about these vicious crows…

Pomp-pomp-pomping to the bread now…and grabbing it…small difficulties in the swallowing department…trying…still trying…

“EDGARRRR!!!” Someone screams above me with an irritating voice and I can feel a gentle crowish breeze just before I get wing-slapped right in the face, which makes me drop the bread.


Edgar

“EDGARRRR!!!” I scream like a maniac and attack the raven with an awesome looking piece of stale bread in his mouth!
I wing-slap the b*stard once…touché! Right in the face!

I grab the bread from the ground and fly away.


Rick

…what the h*ll just happened?
Oh yes, it’s all coming back to me now, I was trying to swallow the oversized piece of bread…had some difficulties with that and…oh yes…I mean, OH NO! I mean, GOD DAMN IT, THE CROW IS SOOO GONNA GET IT NOW!!!

Revenging Raven 1, Revenging Raven 1, you have been cleared for takeoff.


PT Loren

“F*cking H*ll, mind the speed limit please!!” The damn crow flying by my balcony about 200 km/h almost just gave me a heart attack!!
What was it that it had in it’s mouth? Looked a bit like a very large piece of bread…oh well, not very relevant PT, is it!

But say, that’s gotta be the most funniest sounding raven EVER that just landed on a branch of this tree right in front of my balcony, how would I describe it…it sounds a bit like “Rick-Rick!” like if the fellow would be called “Rick” and it was just trying to say it’s own name, how cute:).

“Hi Rick the Raven!” I say. “Rick-Rick!” it goes back.

And just look at it pomp-pomp-pomp from one branch to another like it would be trying to locate the crow that just flew by with a bread in it’s mouth. Priceless!


Rick

I’m airborne now, chasing the crow…where the heck did the son of a b*tch go!?
Better to land on this tree here, calm down a bit and take a good looksy at the situation!

On my left, on a balcony by this tree there is this human being with a rather stupid grin on his face saying something like “Hi Wick the Waven”…whatever that means.

I pomp-pomp-pomp from one branch to another trying to spot the b*stard crow.
There…no, not there…there, no not there either…there…THERE!! GOTCHA!!!


Edgar

“Lah-la-la-lah, what’s better than a freshly stolen bread, lah-la-la-lah!” I find myself singing.
That looks like a nice rooftop, I think I’ll go and enjoy my bread there…only 20 meters to go…only 10 meters to go and…”Rick-Rick!” screams someone above me with a rather irritating voice!

God damn it, not again!!


Edgar & Rick

“What the…oh you wanna piece of me raven, huh?! Bring it on man! Bring it on!”
“I’ll kick you in the n*ts man!” There you have it! And there! And there!
“Awww, my n*ts!”
“Give up the bread man!”
“No way José!”
“I’ll kick you in the n*ts man!”
“Awww, my n*ts!”


Rick

The bread is mine, all mine, I think I’ll enjoy it on this nearest rooftop here.

I just hope the guy on the balcony wasn’t a storywriter or anything…